Missing Julie

 

I knew that someday you would be gone just like Suba, Karma had gone before, but I didn’t expect you go so soon and so suddenly.

Two weeks ago, you threw up a few times and I thought you had some problem with your stomach or maybe because of the cold weather of the winter.  You had had that in the past.  You were still a happy dog and didn’t show any sign of sickness except getting old.  You had to make extra effort to climb the stairs.  Hong and I thought you were gaining weight, so we tried to feed you less except snack cookies in the evening.  However you always like to share whatever we ate.  You would wait next to us very still, gazing attentively to our face until we felt sorry and gave you a little piece.  You were such an adorable insistent beggar!

 You were consistently there on top of stairs waiting for us to come home.  You were the one that always expressed such happiness greeting us back with joyful barking.  And when we were home, you were so glad to hang around with us.  You would lie down underneath the kitchen table peacefully with your eyes following every move we made. Whenever we left the house, you would look up with your sad questioning eyes. I always had to pat on your head and said:  “Don’t worry!  We’ll be back soon!”  In fact you didn’t like to be left by yourself with other people.  When that happened you would be very upset, just lied quietly in one place and wouldn’t eat for days…

 Every night, you would follow us to the third floor bedroom and slept in front of the door until morning.  You would wait till I was ready to go downstairs in the morning and rushed outside to the garden for a walk.  You would make a run around checking every corner, any trace of animals that had been there especially squirrels. Sometimes you shot out like an arrow to chase a squirrel or a cat up to a tree and stood guard at the bottom and barked for a long time.  And then, you would be so happy walking with me on a leash down the street even for a short walk.  We did that routinely once in the morning and once in the evening.

The last morning of your life, you walked slowly downstairs out to the garden.  It snowed heavily a few days ago so the garden was filled with all white stuff.  I walked outside to meet you at the front gate as usual. I was surprised to find you lying down behind the front gate and couldn’t get up.  You probably used up all your energy to walk around from the back porch of the house to the front gate to meet me.  Because I lied so close to the gate I couldn’t open it.  I had to go through the other gate into the garden to lift you up.  When you were back upstairs, I put you down at your usual favorite spot.  It seemed like you had difficulty breathing.  Your head was down on the floor, only your bright eyes kept looking up at me.  I wished I could have shared your pain.  We brought you to the vet and sadly found out that we could not save you!

You had been in this house for 13 years and now you were no longer here.  From dawn to dust, every day of the seasons you were part of me and that part of me had passed away suddenly.  Every day the unforgettable love and happiness that you brought to us would be missed dearly and forever.