The First Time

The first time I met Abbie, I fell in love with her because of her beautiful face, her beautiful eyes and her beautiful smile.  Later on I found out that she was not only a beautiful woman but also an intelligent, good hearted, talented person.  She also had a wonderful, peace-loving family and I am very honored to be part of her family.


What I learn from Abbie was that she loved her parents very much and enjoyed being with them whenever she could.  That was why we always found a reason to get together around the kitchen table for a meal, for tea, for meeting with friends, for catching up news etc…I miss these special moments so much now that they all had gone!


I was moved by her love and care for her parents, especially in their later years when they were frail and sick.  Everyday Abbie would either visit or call to cheer them up and to find out how they were doing.  When they were sick in bed, Abbie would hold their hand for a long time and tell a funny story to comfort them.  She would get up in the middle of the night to come right over their house if there was any health concern.


Abbie had peace in her heart. That was why she usually lightened up people around her with her happiness, her smile and her gentle soothing voice, her laugh.  I never saw anger in Abbie during 32 years being with her.

She didn’t judge people quickly.  That made it easy to talk to.  She also had an interesting story to tell so it was fun to be with.  She loved children and treated them with respect.  In fact she treated people with respect regardless of their age, color, religion, nationality…She not only believed in diversity but practice living with it.


Abbie was conscious of different cultures and enjoyed the beauty of each one.  For her, every culture opened up a new never-ending discovery.  That was why she liked to collect beautiful small things from different places, different countries.  She traveled and adapted easily with people, with their food, their weather and enjoyed being abroad.  The world was no longer restricted in one nation.


Abbie also was conscious of the plight of the unfortunate people who suffered through discrimination, poverty whether they were children, men or women.  She was not afraid to take actions to protest or to raise the issues for change one way or the other.


Abbie loved teaching and believe in children.  She believes that good education could change a person life and she worked hard at it to make a little change each day.


What I learn from Abbie was that her heart was in harmony with nature.  She loved to be at the Cape.  Abbie would love to pick the rose hips and share them with her friends on the way to the beach.  She liked to walk along the beach listening to the waves flapping into sandy shores.  She would collect some interesting seashells along the way or maybe some rocks…She loved to watch beautiful sunset above the ocean horizon.  She would like to watch the birds trying to catch their supper over the water.  She would walk the inland bay when the tide was high to look for crabs’ bubbles.  She would love to see a group of terns startling by her footsteps.  The sounds of the feet walking in the shallow water would make her very happy!


Abbie would love to pick blueberries with the kids. She would like to show the kids a caterpillar on a milkweed.  She would go down the hill to pick beach plums for Peggy to make jelly.  She would go over to Babe’s Farm to see the sunflowers field, to see the roaming chickens, pigs, goats…

When there was a full moon, Abbie would come to the beach at high tide to watch the gorgeous moon and walked in the moonlight reflecting water. 

In a dark night, she would like to stay outside to watch the stars, the Milky Way across the sky and to listen to the never-ending crickets song in the summer.


At home, Abbie was a good gardener.  She loved plants and cared for their beings.  She knew exactly where each one was located, big or small.  Every morning she would come down the garden with a cup of coffee in her hand and survey them all.

June 4, 2004

                                                                  Julie 2000-2013

Missing Julie

 

I knew that someday you would be gone just like Suba, Karma had gone before, but I didn’t expect you go so soon and so suddenly.

Two weeks ago, you threw up a few times and I thought you had some problem with your stomach or maybe because of the cold weather of the winter.  You had had that in the past.  You were still a happy dog and didn’t show any sign of sickness except getting old.  You had to make extra effort to climb the stairs.  Hong and I thought you were gaining weight, so we tried to feed you less except snack cookies in the evening.  However you always like to share whatever we ate.  You would wait next to us very still, gazing attentively to our face until we felt sorry and gave you a little piece.  You were such an adorable insistent beggar!

 You were consistently there on top of stairs waiting for us to come home.  You were the one that always expressed such happiness greeting us back with joyful barking.  And when we were home, you were so glad to hang around with us.  You would lie down underneath the kitchen table peacefully with your eyes following every move we made. Whenever we left the house, you would look up with your sad questioning eyes. I always had to pat on your head and said:  “Don’t worry!  We’ll be back soon!”  In fact you didn’t like to be left by yourself with other people.  When that happened you would be very upset, just lied quietly in one place and wouldn’t eat for days…

 Every night, you would follow us to the third floor bedroom and slept in front of the door until morning.  You would wait till I was ready to go downstairs in the morning and rushed outside to the garden for a walk.  You would make a run around checking every corner, any trace of animals that had been there especially squirrels. Sometimes you shot out like an arrow to chase a squirrel or a cat up to a tree and stood guard at the bottom and barked for a long time.  And then, you would be so happy walking with me on a leash down the street even for a short walk.  We did that routinely once in the morning and once in the evening.

The last morning of your life, you walked slowly downstairs out to the garden.  It snowed heavily a few days ago so the garden was filled with all white stuff.  I walked outside to meet you at the front gate as usual. I was surprised to find you lying down behind the front gate and couldn’t get up.  You probably used up all your energy to walk around from the back porch of the house to the front gate to meet me.  Because I lied so close to the gate I couldn’t open it.  I had to go through the other gate into the garden to lift you up.  When you were back upstairs, I put you down at your usual favorite spot.  It seemed like you had difficulty breathing.  Your head was down on the floor, only your bright eyes kept looking up at me.  I wished I could have shared your pain.  We brought you to the vet and sadly found out that we could not save you!

You had been in this house for 13 years and now you were no longer here.  From dawn to dust, every day of the seasons you were part of me and that part of me had passed away suddenly.  Every day the unforgettable love and happiness that you brought to us would be missed dearly and forever.

An un-healable wound

It aches my heart every day when I came downstairs thinking of what happened to you that morning. You must have felt really bad walking down the stairs in your serious condition before you collapsed in the bathroom.

It aches my heart remembering when you desperately tried to breath and couldn’t. You were in my arms but I was so helpless to keep your life from leaving me.

It aches my heart when I look at pretty things, big and small, that you collected and decorated around the house. It seems like you have left your touch, your scent in every room and on every wall.

It aches my heart walking by myself in the garden, especially in the spring. After a long winter, many plants you personally planted have come back strong and healthy. Why couldn’t you come back like them?

It aches my heart walking on the streets that we used to walk, seeing places that we had been together. Without you, I have such a heavy feeling of emptiness.

Without you, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year are not the same. On Mother’s Day, there is no special one to bring home impatiens and plants for the garden.

You were really gone but your voice, your face, your smile, your scent are still here. Your absence leaves an un-healable wound in my heart…

May, 2007

Laments of the 21th century
(Re-visited)

In the name of democracy
You came to destroy a country
Of many thousand years of culture and civilization
And to build your own model

In the name of democracy
You send your own soldiers
To search and destroy every home
Until no one can disagree

You will organize election
The candidates are the people you trust
Since they are on you payroll
And the people who vote
Will be protected by your police

In the name of fighting terror
You came with your mighty weapons
To terrorize a whole nation
With death and mass destruction

You try to control every street
But you don't even understand the language the people speak
Because you don't know who your friends are
You would rather treat them as suspects

In the name of compassion
You came to sow seeds of hatred
So the war on terror you wish to succeed
Can produce even more bloodshed

In the name of your own god
In the name of compassion
With you own definition of freedom and democracy
You will not leave any stone unturned to destroy the enemy

Scorching the earth and making the people suffer
That is not your intention
It makes you feel safer and less angry
Because between good and evil
You are on the right side of course

Can you believe in the twenty first century?
There are things that haven"t changed
You can come and change a country
And build whatever you want
As long as you have money and a powerful army

The only thing is
You will be there for a long time
And nobody knows the outcome!

(First posted in November 2005)

Cold House

back from far away
the house is cold and empty
because you’re not there

a lost shoe

for many years
we were together
like a pair of shoes
that always walked in the same direction
on the same streets

but since you are gone
i am like a lonely shoe
lost
useless
how can I find the missing shoe?


local warming

fooled by warm weather
the quince bush is in full bloom
in midst of winter

Full Moon

The way home tonight
Brightened up by the full moon
Like your smiling face